Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
