if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
