I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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