I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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