dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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