I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Houston, we have a squirter
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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