did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
