You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
