I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm really busy with my period
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