i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
