we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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