Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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