its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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