I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
