i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
