I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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