Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
