she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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