I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
