Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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