erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
