Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
