Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
