best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
