She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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