I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
