tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How external is "for external use only"?
This baby is an asshole
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
