I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
