I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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