she woke up with a sticky ear
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
