Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
