the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I will be naked everywhere
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
