4 words: hood of his car
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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