With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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