i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize