Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
