i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
