He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
