i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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