i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
