The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize