Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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