I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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