My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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