Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
