he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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