Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
