He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
