Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
