we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize