anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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