Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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