im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
