I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
