We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
