and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
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