D3 body, D1 cock
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
