You really coming over, don't trick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
