so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
