I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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