toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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