i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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