What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
