i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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