The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
