the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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